This and that ramble plus a bit of a declaration
Wow has it been a busy summer! And as usual I am trying to keep my many irons in the fire hot. Today I am just hanging with my kids and getting some much neglected things done in my house. You know those dreaded things like laundry, dusting and organizing. It is not s'much fun but I look at it like this...at least I have things and a house to oranize, humble though it is, it is my sanctuary. Ssooookay. Got Doctor Who blaring in the background, my trusty dogs beside me, and the lovely chaos of my children ringing through the house.
I have gotten my jewelry stuff back out ( what little I had left) and started working on that again and it brings me much solace. I am rewriting one of my books and am determined to find out where this character is going once and for all! I am getting ready to repot some of my beloved succulents and other plants in prep for fall as even though my herbs flopped this year my plants did amazing!!!!
A few things have happened in life that have caused me to have much reflection. Some of that reflection very dark and hard to see through, and then much of it very aquatic like, refreshing and awakening. There were also the little things that made the bigger things seem harder and more complex. Like catching my hair on fire and then making the decision to cut it all off. I thought I would love it and was ready....and ...I was.....until reality set in a day or two later and I have had a hard time with it. ( I know vain right?) It's not that I am vain it's that I have had certain things pounded in my head my whole life and those things always show their head when it comes to my self esteem and as many women know sometimes it is hard to see past your outward looks when that esteem demon rears it's ugly head.
Then there are the issues of me and other people. You see when I find someone and I want them to be in my life because I believe they would enhance my human existance I put myself out there...I give 200 % and then when it does not come back....they are not as interested in having me in their circle I get my feelings all hurt and brood about it forever. You see I have always been that girl that people would let near their circle but wasn't allowed to be in the inner workings. They all say...oh we like you...but just wait right out here...just out here while we...the real circle all socialize and be close, and sometimes we will invite you to tag along or we will say ok if you invite yourself. Don't call or text us though, we won't answer most days, we don't really have time for you. It happened in high school, it happened in college, it happens in my meetup groups, and even in family.
This brings me to my next little irritation. Labels ....I have been asked lately by lots of people .....what am I ? I will tell you I will not label myself. I won't. Mostly this is on a belief level I think as people want to know where you stand so they can judge you and either let you in their circle or, in some cases, persecute you. Well gotta tell you I a am me.....that is it. I am done hiding things I love and even when the lthings I love and believe in seem to clash for everyone around me.....too bad. No more hiding or being afraid to speak, because oh I might offend someone with my PERSONAL HEART FELT BELIEFS. Anything I do, practice, enjoy, I largely do in solidarity. There are a couple of people that are with me at times but mostly I am a loner. My experiences have taught me that this is the way things are to be for me...at least up to this point.
This is why I decided to start a YouTube channel ( though I am not having an easy time with it...hate seeing myself on camera! see ...ugly demon poking around) I really want to find people like myself and connect. I usually do this with my writing. I thought this was just one more avenue I could explore and use. So look for me......but not too close.
See you soon guys.
Blessed Be
God Bless
I have gotten my jewelry stuff back out ( what little I had left) and started working on that again and it brings me much solace. I am rewriting one of my books and am determined to find out where this character is going once and for all! I am getting ready to repot some of my beloved succulents and other plants in prep for fall as even though my herbs flopped this year my plants did amazing!!!!
A few things have happened in life that have caused me to have much reflection. Some of that reflection very dark and hard to see through, and then much of it very aquatic like, refreshing and awakening. There were also the little things that made the bigger things seem harder and more complex. Like catching my hair on fire and then making the decision to cut it all off. I thought I would love it and was ready....and ...I was.....until reality set in a day or two later and I have had a hard time with it. ( I know vain right?) It's not that I am vain it's that I have had certain things pounded in my head my whole life and those things always show their head when it comes to my self esteem and as many women know sometimes it is hard to see past your outward looks when that esteem demon rears it's ugly head.
Then there are the issues of me and other people. You see when I find someone and I want them to be in my life because I believe they would enhance my human existance I put myself out there...I give 200 % and then when it does not come back....they are not as interested in having me in their circle I get my feelings all hurt and brood about it forever. You see I have always been that girl that people would let near their circle but wasn't allowed to be in the inner workings. They all say...oh we like you...but just wait right out here...just out here while we...the real circle all socialize and be close, and sometimes we will invite you to tag along or we will say ok if you invite yourself. Don't call or text us though, we won't answer most days, we don't really have time for you. It happened in high school, it happened in college, it happens in my meetup groups, and even in family.
This brings me to my next little irritation. Labels ....I have been asked lately by lots of people .....what am I ? I will tell you I will not label myself. I won't. Mostly this is on a belief level I think as people want to know where you stand so they can judge you and either let you in their circle or, in some cases, persecute you. Well gotta tell you I a am me.....that is it. I am done hiding things I love and even when the lthings I love and believe in seem to clash for everyone around me.....too bad. No more hiding or being afraid to speak, because oh I might offend someone with my PERSONAL HEART FELT BELIEFS. Anything I do, practice, enjoy, I largely do in solidarity. There are a couple of people that are with me at times but mostly I am a loner. My experiences have taught me that this is the way things are to be for me...at least up to this point.
This is why I decided to start a YouTube channel ( though I am not having an easy time with it...hate seeing myself on camera! see ...ugly demon poking around) I really want to find people like myself and connect. I usually do this with my writing. I thought this was just one more avenue I could explore and use. So look for me......but not too close.
See you soon guys.
Blessed Be
God Bless
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